Einstein was a Scientologist

Einstein in high heelsIf you follow debates over the existence of God or of creationism (cretinism) verses evolutionism (evilutionism) verses whatever term you think sounds snazzy and marketable [or just hasn't been totally discredited by dense deficient dolts (couldn't resist) or by abrasively abdicable alliteration], you're bound to come across many vitriolic denunciations of the other side's use of certain quotes from Albert Einstein.

These quotes are always used to "prove" that good old buddy Al is on their side, which due to many complex associative philosophical laws and derivations also proves that everyone on their side is as smart as Einstein and wants to have sex with their cousins [apparently while sporting a bad hair cut and an obtuse (although seductive) lack of socks]. These brilliant arguments also prove that everyone on the other side (i.e. the non cousin bangers) have hamsters for mothers and fathers who smelt of elderberries. (in case you were wondering Einstein married his cousin)

Well, these exercises infuriate me so much that tonight I have made it my noble quest, as well as my favorite color, to solve once and for all these conflicts of caitiffs (after blowing my nose at them and farting in their general direction of course). I will prove with mathematical metaphysics that Albert Einstein was in fact a Scientologist. My arguments may also be used to prove that everyone including Einstein was a hamster or any other proposition you find acceptably arousing. Yes, this is all quite elementary due to the principle of explosion in classical logic which states that contradictory premises make possible the proving of any statement no matter how fun and naughty it may be. Did Einstein make contradictory statements about his religious beliefs? Let me demonstrate. "Fetchez la vache!" (fetch the cow):

"In view of such harmony in the cosmos which I, with my limited human mind, am able to recognize, there are yet people who say there is no God. But what really makes me angry is that they quote me for the support of such views."
(sounds like agnostic theism at the very least)


"I am not an atheist. I don't think I can call myself a pantheist. The problem involved is too vast for our limited minds. We are in the position of a little child entering a huge library filled with books in many languages. the child knows someone must have written those books. It does not know how. It does not understand the languages in which they are written. The child dimly suspects a mysterious order in the arrangement of the books but doesn't know what it is. That, it seems to me, is the attitude of even the most intelligent human being toward God. We see the universe marvelously arranged and obeying certain laws but only dimly understand these laws."
(Deism at least and neither pantheism nor atheism)


"A knowledge of the existence of something we cannot penetrate, of the manifestations of the profoundest reason and the most radiant beauty - it is this knowledge and this emotion that constitute the truly religious attitude; in this sense, and in this alone, I am a deeply religious man." (pantheism at most if not atheism)


"I believe in Spinoza's God who reveals himself in the orderly harmony of what exists, not in a God who concerns himself with the fates and actions of human beings."
[Unless Einstein has a mistaken idea about Spinoza's God (Roy Abraham Varghese argues for this proposition in the introduction to the book "There is a God") straight up pantheism]

A legitimate argument can be made from premises that can be drawn from the above quotes:
P1 Einstein was a pantheist and P2 Einstein was not a pantheist

Now take the statement "Einstein was a scientologist" call it C for conclusion.
We can restate P2 as ~P1 (not P1). Heck for simplicity lets just say P1 is P.
Now hang on to your hot cousin's socks and watch this:

1 P^~P

2 P
(from 1 by conjunction elimination)

3 ~P
(from 1 by conjunction elimination)

4 P v C
(from 2 by disjunction introduction)

5 C
(from 3 and 4 by disjunctive syllogism)

6 (P ^~P) -> C
(from 5 by conditional proof)

I'm sorry to burst the reinforced metallic bubbles of the incompetent oafs who quote Einstein in support of their religious beliefs, but Einstein either changed his views several times during his life, or he just wasn't an Einstein when it came to religion. Actually I'm not sorry; I hope they all die in a fire too. Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time-a!

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