6.1.09

An Affable Alien's Allocution: PART 1 of 3 (Far out encounters of the curd kind)

Alien conference
Last week I was relaxing on my yacht just south of the Caribbean (i.e I had crashed onto the beaches of Colombia) when an idiosyncratic brobdingnagian wedge of cheese came caterwauling with ghastly screeching disquietude and prodigious celerity out of the empyrean. For those who are less refined, I have just described how something fell out of the sky.

This object, although it startled me, did not remain a UFO for long, in the proper sense, for three reasons. One, it quickly stopped flying and crashed into the sea. Two, when it crashed it really succeeded (or failed if you will) at crashing and no longer retained a sensible status as an object. Three, I quickly identified it as an alien spacecraft and was able to have a delightful conversation with the occupants. My first question was: why are you flying around in a giant wedge of cheese?

To which they replied in unison with the following song:

"Oh beautiful sir or madam we have lost our way
It is out of boredom that we fly in cheese wedges
We disguise our real intentions as we say
To find the great fountain
To scale the next mountain

And plumb the depths of the
most magnificent conundrums

We manifest the delights of inspiration
to conquer our irrational fear of
communist goats which ride on the waves
of despair before our great kingdom of Popes"

I instantly thought I perceived their reasons for saying this; i.e. I thought that they had no reason at all. However, in the mind crossing of the previous thought I perceived my arrogance--for these creatures had been able to build spacecraft out of cheese--who was I to question their logical efficacy? Especially since my underestimation of the economic situation in Columbia caused the running aground of my yacht. I had assumed Columbia was too poor to afford beaches.

However, I did know something that was very insightful about the differences that arise between the beliefs of naturally evolved creatures. I thought back to the argument that Alvin Plantinga had propounded where he considered the natural evolution of belief producing mechanisms and concluded that the philosophical naturalist would have to have a self defeating amount of skepticism about his or her cognitive faculties.

These creatures may be like the hominid in Plantinga's argument that escapes the tiger because it thinks the tiger is a friendly pussy cat that can be most effectively petted by running away. Also as Plantinga states, the hominid could think the tiger is a reoccurring illusion that signals the start of race away from the tiger.

Now, my own set of reasons for the hominid's essential and expeditious extrication are:
1 Because it wants to be eaten
2 Because it thinks the tiger will probably not eat it in the current situation
3 Because it thinks that running away will make it more likely to be eaten

If this sort of pattern pervades the rest of it's beliefs, the hominid would effectively be like the knaves on the special island of knights and knaves, only believing the exact opposite of the truth while still behaving in exactly the correct manner.

However, I suspect these creatures are more like the hominid in Plantinga's argument where many different ridiculous beliefs are created by evolution for the sake of good behavior. Apparently the cheese space craft was also a fluke as was their decision to learn our language through the viewing of musicals. The only problem is, that unlike the cheese and musicals, these creatures can only spew nonsense when talking to beings that evolved with different belief producing mechanisms..... or what seems like nonsense.

I caught my self at this thought and realized something even more insightfully insightful: how did I know it was nonsense? Maybe cheese is in fact the best material for building spacecraft when you are bored, maybe it is irrational to fear communist goats, maybe the songs used in musicals are the best way to learn and communicate with language, and maybe you can really have an entire kingdom of Popes (see Discordianism). Maybe the only reason I think otherwise is because I have evolved like Plantinga's hominid.

So having this new appreciation for the logic of my guest aliens I asked them: "How should we solve our world's problems?"
To which they replied: "You are running out of ideas and absurdity; you should continue this post another day."
TO BE CONTINUED.................

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

interesting thought....

Dwielz Camauf Descartes said...

Why thank you, I'm still editing it though as I find the writing rather silly in some places. I should of kept it in draft form for longer.

Anonymous said...

well I think sometimes what you write initially is actaully better than the final draft. whatever you write initially is coming from the heart and then you use your brain to modify it and turn it into final draft.