14.6.09

The Final Problem

Sherlock Holmes, cocaine and nicotine addict, deeply melancholic, prone to extended periods of ennui elleviated only by brooding German violin concertos and diverted only by singularly unique or morbidly spectacular criminal cases, meets his end under dubious circumstances, with only the rather daft Watson to give an account of how the fateful events unfolded.
Professor Moriarty, an academic known to none of the Yard's finest, finding renown only within academic circles for his dissertation on "binomial functions". When it becomes clear that there is a criminal mastermind working behind the scenes, responsible for at least half the iniquity in London, Holmes points his unimpeachable finger at the Professor. The fact that nobody else has ever heard his name connected with crime only makes him that much more diabolical.
He forces Holmes and Watson to flee to Europe. While in Switzerland, Holmes inexplicably takes the advice of the maitre d'hotel, hiking out to an unfathomable abyss with only one way in or out without being subjected to high negative acceleration. Here the wispy Professor Moriarty allegedly tracks him down and on a clearly manufactured pretext has Watson called away just in time for the aforementioned pair to tumble off the precipice. But not before Holmes has a chance to leave a written account of the events for Watson to discover and relate to the world, in order to refute certain other Moriarty's who protest their brother's innocence. Watson himself never actually sees Moriarty except at a distance in a busy London terminal, as recognized by Holmes, nor has any other individual besides Holmes ever actually witnessed Moriarty commit any compromising acts.
The denouement writes itself.

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